i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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