I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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