I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
