And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
