I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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