Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
