we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
