I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What drink are we having for lunch?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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