Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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