So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
