she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
