my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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