I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
time to smoke my breakfast
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
