so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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