It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
