Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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