Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
