And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize