Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
