remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
