Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
