I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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