Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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