his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
