Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
