You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
