Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
