I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
PANTIES FOUND
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
