do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
