There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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