I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
