Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
