ugly people sure do ruin things
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
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