Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
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I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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