we have officially lost it.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
