I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
