Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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