How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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