I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
