Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
