I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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