guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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