So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
last night I used snow as a chaser
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
