It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
