if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
