God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
