I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
