So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
