Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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