I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
