Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i will never coherently bang her
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
