hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
now i know why i became what i already was.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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