Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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