8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just gargled with NyQuil
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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