Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Randomize
