The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
