This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
