I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
