I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
