Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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